The Winds of Change

I know that a lot of people don't like change....and so this may seem really stupid.

I am SCARED.  I'm scared of all the changes we have going on right now.  Buddy Boy will be starting a new school next week.  That change is more than enough for me.  Along with it comes a lot of different schedules, budgeting, and work changes.  I am SO grateful we got him into the school, because we could never afford a private autism school.  But I'm still scared.

We will drive him the 16+ miles (one way) twice each day, and I'm scared of putting over 60 miles a day on our car, when we only have one that runs well.  I'm scared of how much the gas is going to be.

I'm scared of the changes Clay has had at work, and of the lower pay that it has meant. I'm scared of his longer days of work, because it has forced me to cut my hours at my job, and between his cut in pay and the new daily commute we'll have, I'm scared of what the new budget will look like.

More than anything, I'm scared of screwing everything we have going on up and wrecking it for everyone.  These changes, in my heart of hearts, I know are a good thing.  We will survive them, even THRIVE with them.  But I can't help being afraid of not handling it well and ruining things for all involved.  I'm a freakin' wrecking ball most of the time.  There are days when everything I touch goes to pot.  I have got to get my act together so that these changes are positive.

I hate complaining, especially when I know how unbelievably blessed we are.  The truth, however, is that I still fill myself with doubt.  When will I learn?

Stupid whine over.