Love/Hate Relationship with Roller Coasters

This week has been crazy...oh my gosh, a complete roller coaster of emotions!  

At the end of last week I attended the funeral of a cousin.  It was a beautiful service, but sad, of course.  The night before the funeral, my co-worker's mom died.  I feel for her...she's SO close to her mom, and has expressed to me her fear of not being ready to lose her mom yet, and then it happened anyway.  My heart aches for her.  

Between covering for my co-worker (which I am HAPPY to do), putting in extra hours at work, and administering dozens of tests, I have become worn out in the workplace.  

Also between the 8 doctor appointments and 1 dentist appointment in the last 2 weeks, I've become worn out with healthcare.  

Add to that the DOZENS of "accidents" my son has had in just the last two days (but that's another post for another day), I've become a bit ornery in the home.

Oh yeah, and in the last 4 days I've begun experiencing migraines, blurred vision, bloating, stomach aches, nausea, acid reflux, painful joints, and the like...you know, the standard things that come when I eat gluten...except that I haven't come near anything containing gluten in months.

I've not been a real treat to be around, and I am ashamed of it.  My family definitely deserves better than what they've been getting, and I'm feeling like a pretty big schmuck...or something.

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On Sunday, my daughter (10 years old) got a phone call from one of her best friends.  She was told that her friend has not been at school for the last week because she'd been really sick and during tests doctors found a TUMOR!!  In this sweet 9-year old girl!  My daughter has been heartsick and crying for 2 days straight, even though we didn't yet know if the tumor was malignant.  It's so hard to convince a young child not to worry when they hear the word "tumor" or possibly "cancer".  She kept asking me if I would PROMISE that her friend would be okay.  Oh my gosh.  

It's days like Sunday that I wished there was a parenting manual.

But!  There are always the good times, too, the moments that buoy us back up for another day:

Today we got the fantastic news that the tumor was BENIGN!!!!  Yay!!  The squealing and hugging that went on in my house this afternoon could probably be heard by a few of our neighbors.

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Munchkin got to go skiing for the first time ever today with her fellow schoolmates.  Best field trip ever, I hear.

I'm exhausted.  Emotionally and physically.  I have become so ditzy in the last few months, it's ridiculous.  I hope it's just me not handling stress well and missing the sun, because I swear, I'm lucky I haven't burned the house down (more than once), driven off the road while losing focus, or left my kids at school.  Eek!

These Kids are CRAZY!

These kids...man, they're crazy.  They make me crazy.  They make me insane.  They're cute and sweet, too. So I still love them. :-)

Seriously though, they've been home from school for fall break and they're nuts!  A sampling of the last two days:

 - Munchkin was playing Mario Cart Wii this morning, a game that Buddy Boy is scared of (yes, scared).  
Buddy Boy - "No, no, please don't die!!"
Munchkin- "CALM DOWN Buddy Boy, I'm a professional!"

Seconds later Munchkin says, "Oh, dang it!!" and Buddy Boy runs off screaming at the top of his lungs cause he's so scared and upset that Munchkin crashed.  



 - Yesterday Buddy decided to wear his Halloween "monster" costume for part of the day.  Begged me for it, and then wanted to watch Monsters, Inc while wearing it.  What a cute idea, right?  Well, halfway through when Mike and Sully were banished, he started sobbing, yelling, and hitting things (not people, so that's something).  I asked him what in the world was wrong, and he said "I'm SCARED!!!"  I replied, "Scared of what?"  His response:  "Mom, don't please shut the closet and shut me in the closet and banish me in the snow forever!"  Took me TWENTY minutes to calm the kid down and convince him that he's not really a monster, and I would never banish him.

- Today as I was coming into the kitchen to make lunch, Munchkin (who had been sitting at the table painting a sunset over an ocean) said to me, "Mom, I'm so sorry.  I've been daydreaming and imagining what it would be like to have a sister.  I want one so badly, I'm just desperate."  (HUGE SAD SIGH) "I sure wish you could have more kids.  In my dreams my sister, Shiloh is my identical twin, and we have an older brother, Jonathan and he's 12.  He's the best big brother ever, and whenever Buddy wants to play him him, he gets to."  Munchkin is nearly in tears at this point, so of course Buddy  not to ever be out-drama'd, pipes in  "I LOVE MY JONATHAN!!!  He's the best brother I never seen!"  


 - We received a canvas print in the mail today and because Buddy was hanging over Munchkin s shoulder driving her crazy, I called him over to help open it.  It's a picture of our family.  He loves it, but started pretending it was a trampoline for his fingers.  I told him no more "jumping" on it or I'd take it away.  He ran from me, hugged the picture close and cried, "No, NO, don't take away my family!!"  He then proceeded to kiss the dang thing and rub his runny nose on it, so he lost his family really quick.

Buddy showed me his displeasure by hanging himself upside down from my bed.  I asked him why he was upside down, and he told me it's because he's so mad at me for taking away his family.  Boy, he sure showed me.:-)


Of course, I guess I love them too.  We had our moments of cuddles, hugs, playing calmly together, reading, singing, all that good stuff.  So it's all good. :-)

Hidden Falls, Mill B South

We did our last hike of the season last weekend.  We loved the hikes, but the kids started getting sick of them, understandably....I think we'd gone on one family hike in the history of our family until this year, when we started going on them weekly, so we apparently got hiked out!

Anyway, I really wanted to do one more while the leaves were changing colors, so we just did a couple short ones, more "walks" than "hikes".

First we went on the Mill B South trail, which leads up to Lake Blanche (Big Cottonwood Canyon by the S curve).  We went up about 1/4 mile to a mini waterfall and had fun taking lots of pictures, as usual.

Buddy Boy had a tough time with this hike, because he wanted to go to Hidden Falls, and we had to deal with a few meltdowns.  Luckily Hidden Falls is just on the other side of the canyon road, so we went through the little parking lot and crossed the street to play over there.

And of course, we didn't go far up enough to see a lot of bright leaves, but we found a few:

ABCs

A gal in my ward sent an email to me and others, and she said she felt inspired to share a message with us all from President Monson.  It was very timely for me, as you know if you read my last post:

President Monson's ABC's......

"A is for attitude, changing the inner attitudes of our minds, we can change the outer aspects of our lives. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment.

B is for believe--in yourself, in those around you, and in eternal principles. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith.

C is for courage. Courage becomes a worthwhile and meaningful virtue when it is regarded not so much as a willingness to die manfully but as a determination to live decently.

There will be times when you will be frightened and discouraged. You may feel that you are defeated. The odds of obtaining victory may appear overwhelming. At times, you may feel like David trying to fight Goliath. But remember, David did win!!

May we all remember these ABC's as we begin our journney, cultivate a positive ATTITIDE, a BELIEF that you can achieve, and the COURAGE to face whatever challenges may come our way. "

The Winds of Change

I know that a lot of people don't like change....and so this may seem really stupid.

I am SCARED.  I'm scared of all the changes we have going on right now.  Buddy Boy will be starting a new school next week.  That change is more than enough for me.  Along with it comes a lot of different schedules, budgeting, and work changes.  I am SO grateful we got him into the school, because we could never afford a private autism school.  But I'm still scared.

We will drive him the 16+ miles (one way) twice each day, and I'm scared of putting over 60 miles a day on our car, when we only have one that runs well.  I'm scared of how much the gas is going to be.

I'm scared of the changes Clay has had at work, and of the lower pay that it has meant. I'm scared of his longer days of work, because it has forced me to cut my hours at my job, and between his cut in pay and the new daily commute we'll have, I'm scared of what the new budget will look like.

More than anything, I'm scared of screwing everything we have going on up and wrecking it for everyone.  These changes, in my heart of hearts, I know are a good thing.  We will survive them, even THRIVE with them.  But I can't help being afraid of not handling it well and ruining things for all involved.  I'm a freakin' wrecking ball most of the time.  There are days when everything I touch goes to pot.  I have got to get my act together so that these changes are positive.

I hate complaining, especially when I know how unbelievably blessed we are.  The truth, however, is that I still fill myself with doubt.  When will I learn?

Stupid whine over.

Summers' Summary

Well, it's official....Munchkin is back in school, with Buddy Boy to follow in a week.  Our summer vacation is (gulp) OVER.



A moment of silence to mourn.



This was the first summer in many years that I have not had health problems, and I gotta tell you, I'd forgotten how great summer can be!  Maybe that's why it seemed to fly by faster than ever before.  I'm already gearing up and making plans for next year, ha ha.

We took a couple of trips to Bear Lake and Bloomington, ID, 

 enjoyed eating fresh produce,

explored the Clark Planetarium,

played with Grandma and cousins,

had fun at yard sales and at making random treats,

 took a trip to Moab,

explored Utah's beauty,

and tortured the kids with too many pictures.

Ahh, summertime.  Can't wait to do it again.